EU individual paragraph

Original paragraph

At first glance, the text “What the EU is for” seemed to be well structured to me by only looking at it. The author into paragraphs by using different headings for each of them to give a clue what each section of the text was going to be about. Not only this good structure, but also the good connection of sentences to their previous ones enabled to follow the text easily. I personally also liked the usage of various good expressions, like, for instance, “a recently forged special relationship”. “In want of a better word” was another phrase that I hadn’t come across so far but I am now definitely going to use it myself in future. The only two things in the text that I found less impressive were the usage of the conjunctions “but” and “so” at the beginning of a sentence and the verbal repetitions that the author used twice in successive sentences. Apart from these two negative points, I think that “What the EU is for” is a well-written text and I enjoyed reading it.

Feedback summary 1 (Topic sentence, register)

All in all, my group mates thought that my paragraph is well-written and that its register was also appropriate. They only noticed two things that I should change: According to them, my first sentence is not really an introduction sentence and rewriting it would be a good idea. Apart from that, I should not use "like, for instance" but simply leave out the "like".

New version

At first glance, I found the text “What the EU is for” well-structured without having even read it. The author divided it into paragraphs by using different headings for each of them to give a clue what each section of the text was going to be about. Not only this good structure, but also the good connection of sentences to their previous ones enabled to follow the text easily. I personally also liked the usage of various good expressions, for instance, “a recently forged special relationship”. “In want of a better word” was another phrase that I hadn’t come across so far but I am now definitely going to use it myself in future. The only two things in the text that I found less impressive were the usage of the conjunctions “but” and “so” at the beginning of a sentence and the verbal repetitions that the author used twice in successive sentences. Apart from these two negative points, I think that “What the EU is for” is a well-written text and I enjoyed reading it.

Feedback summary 2 (cohesion, coherence)

When my group mates read my paragraph for the second time in search of cohesion and coherence mistakes, they did not find any. They liked the content of my text and also found that the sentences were well-linked.

Final version

At first glance, I found the text “What the EU is for” well-structured without having even read it. The author divided it into paragraphs by using different headings for each of them to give a clue what each section of the text was going to be about. Not only this excellent structure, but also the good connection of sentences to their previous ones enabled to follow the text easily. I personally also liked the usage of various good expressions, for instance, “a recently forged special relationship”. “In want of a better word” was another phrase that I hadn’t come across so far but I am now definitely going to use it myself in future. The only two things in the text that I found less impressive were the usage of the conjunctions “but” and “so” at the beginning of a sentence and the verbal repetitions that the author used twice in successive sentences. Apart from these two negative points, I think that “What the EU is for” is a well-written text and I enjoyed reading it.

Final version 2: 

At first glance, I found the text “What the EU is for” well-structured. The author divided it into paragraphs and used different headings for each of them which indicates the readers what each section of the text was going to be about. Not only this excellent structure, but also the perfect cohesion between sentences enabled the readers to follow the text easily. I personally also liked the usage of various good expressions, for instance, “a recently forged special relationship”. “In want of a better word” was another phrase that I had not come across before but I am now definitely going to use it in future. The only two things in the text that I found less impressive were the usage of the conjunctions “but” and “so” at the beginning of a sentence and a number of verbs that the author used more than once in successive sentences. Apart from these two negative points, I think that “What the EU is for” is a well-written text and I enjoyed reading it.